The Pen
by Rose5
Summary: What would a day of rounds be without a J.D./janitor confrontation?


This is my first Scrubs venture as I'm used to writing Smallville stories. I just couldn't resist the pull of trying to write for the janitor. I'm *his* bitch!  
  
*****  
  
The Pen  
  
J.D. wasn't surprised to look at his watch and see it was an hour later than he'd thought. He whistled while signing the chart prescribing Mellaril for the patient who'd come in for a sinus infection but had ended the visit with his hands wrapped around the young doctor's throat. Now the unfortunate patient was psych's lapful, and J.D. hoped he could evade Cox long enough to stretch his legs and drink a Dr. Pepper or two.  
  
He turned around and...bam. Why was he not surprised? A wall of janitor blocked the hall and he sighed in misery. He put his pen in his pocket and waited for whatever absurdity was being served up today.  
  
"I saw you do that," the janitor said with narrowed eyes.  
  
"Saw me do what?" J.D. asked, not caring that it came out in a pitiful whine.  
  
"Steal that pen."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Damn, if anyone needed to be sent for a psych consult, it was *this* nutcase.  
  
"That pen you just put in your pocket. I saw you steal it from the nurse's desk."  
  
J.D.'s mouth fell open and he looked from the janitor to Laverne, who quickly turned her chair around and pretended to read a file.  
  
"I did no such thing! That was *my* pen!"  
  
"I saw you steal it. You picked it up off the counter and put it in your pocket."  
  
"Yes, I picked it up off the counter. Because it's mine!" he growled, thumping himself on the chest for emphasis. He lowered his arm and remembered he wasn't the Neanderthal here.  
  
"Are you calling me a liar?"  
  
Oh, God. Not again.  
  
"No, I'm not. I'm just saying you're mistaken."  
  
"You're saying I'm seeing things? What, do you think I'm...crazy?" He leaned toward J.D. on the last word and widened his eyes.  
  
The sooner this kangaroo confrontation was over, the sooner he could get to his break. Which meant definitely not answering that question in the affirmative the way he so desperately wanted to. "All I'm saying is it's *my* pen."  
  
"Prove it."  
  
"What do you mean, 'Prove it'?" He took the pen and looked at it, then showed it to the janitor. "It's just a black ballpoint Bic. It's not like it's monogrammed or anything." He replaced the pen deliberately. "Besides, I don't have to prove anything to you. I've got patients." He started to walk off when the wall moved.  
  
"You're not going anywhere until we clear this up. Right Laverne?"  
  
"Mmmm..." Laverne hummed disinterestedly from behind her file.  
  
"Hey, Laverne, what kind of pens do you use at this nurse's station?" the janitor roared over J.D.'s head, arms going from across his chest to rest his fists on both hips.  
  
Laverne put her file down and looked from J.D. to the janitor. "Black ballpoint Bics," she replied without hesitation.  
  
"Well," J.D. laughed nervously. Why was he nervous? He hadn't *done* anything! "That doesn't prove anything."  
  
"It proves there's a possibility that you stole that pen."  
  
"For the last time, I didn't steal anything! God! Don't you have something better to do than start trouble where there isn't any?" He knew he'd lost his temper but the guy just made his blood pressure skyrocket.  
  
"Are you saying I'd rather stand here and accuse you of doing something you didn't do than actually do my job?"  
  
J.D. envied the man's calm, if nothing else. "Yes. That's *exactly* what I'm saying."  
  
The janitor seemed to mull this over and pursed his lips. "Hmm. What do you think, Laverne?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I think they don't pay me enough to get involved in these kinds of disputes."  
  
"I-i-it's a pattern with you," J.D. stammered furiously. "That's what it is. You're *always* accusing me of doing something when I didn't!"  
  
"No I don't."  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
"I do not."  
  
"You *do*! All the time!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Name once."  
  
"It happens every other day! Two days ago you accused me of taking your ladder home in my van just because you couldn't remember where you'd put it. A week ago you said I put Lysol in the lemon jello mix in the cafeteria just because you'd run out and forgot to order some more! Do you want me to go on?"  
  
"What does any of that have to do with you stealing pens?"  
  
"I didn't! I'm not a thief!" he yelled, looking down sheepishly when an elderly woman passing by gave him a disapproving look from her walker.  
  
"You know, admitting you have a problem is the first step to getting better."  
  
"Oh, no, no, no. Don't start with the psychobabble. *I'm* not the one here with the problem."  
  
"Which would imply that I am?" Steel eyes got even narrower than J.D. thought humanly possible. Maybe the guy was related to Clint Eastwood.  
  
"Look." J.D. reluctantly took the pen from his pocket. There was no winning with this guy. He didn't have the time or the energy for this, so once again, he'd just give in. "I'll put the pen on the counter. Will you leave me alone then?"  
  
"So you *did* steal it."  
  
"No. I just have other things to do. I'm busy."  
  
"And I'm not? What, I'm not as important as you?"  
  
J.D. backed up at the line of questioning.  
  
"You're saying that your time is more valuable than mine?" the janitor continued. "Is it more valuable than hers? I mean, she's just a lowly nurse, right?"  
  
Laverne straightened her back and fixed accusing eyes on J.D. He squirmed and took his pen back.  
  
"That's ridiculous. I'm leaving."  
  
He started down the hall and from the corner of his eye noticed the janitor absently staring at his own fingernails.  
  
"Well, do what you like but I'm afraid I'll have to make sure you're written up."  
  
J.D. stopped and turned around. "You can't do that. You're just -"  
  
"Hmmmm?" Laverne interjected. "I do believe I want to hear this."  
  
The janitor crossed his arms once more. "So do I, Laverne. I'm just... what?"  
  
J.D.'s head shook in denial while his mind's gears clicked. "I...uh, I...oh, come on, I...just...you just don't have that, you know, that kind of authority."  
  
"You think just because I haven't done it before I won't do it now? You really think I'm your bitch, don't you?"  
  
"What? Oh, God, no! I don't think that! I don't think -"  
  
"Right. You don't think about me. I'm just a peon who puts in an honest day's work while doctors like you go around stealing from this hospital."  
  
J.D. stormed over to the counter and smacked the pen on its surface. "There. You happy?"  
  
"If it's your pen you should keep it."  
  
"It *is* my pen."  
  
"Then why did you just put it back?"  
  
"Because...because, oh jeez, because I don't have time for this!"  
  
"I'm sure the nurses will be happy that you couldn't go through with stealing from them."  
  
J.D. stalked away from the station murmuring under his breath while the janitor went behind the desk and picked up a mug full of pens.  
  
"Say, Laverne, all these Bics are blue."  
  
Laverne looked at the chart she had been writing in and then at the blue pen she held.  
  
"Hmm. So they are."  
  
"So I guess no one will be needing this black one?" The janitor picked up the pen from the counter and tucked it into his pocket.  
  
"No one I can think of, hon," Laverne smiled.  
  
End 


End file.
